The cartoon town of Springfield is not immune from the global recession as the Fox Television network demands 45% pay cuts from the cast of The Simpsons.
Will the cuts extend to Montgomery Burns or is austerity only for Homer Simpson?
Waylon Smithers, a spokesman for the owner of Springfield’s nuclear power plant issued the following statement: “Mr. Burns rejects any notion that he should take a pay cut or roll back his planned 45% increase in the cost of electricity. If pressed to trim his already modest lifestyle, he will be forced to release the hounds.”
“I guess we all need to do some belt tightening,” said Marge Simpson, as she exited the bowling alley, “but I don’t wear a belt.”
The man who wears the pants in the family might benefit from some belt tightening but when asked if he would forgo beer and donuts, Homer Simpson just said “D’oh!”
Homer’s neighbor Ned Flanders was more sanguine about the financial crisis, even going so far as to hint that the global downturn was a sign from The Almighty that Springfield’s educators should stop teaching evolution in schools. “I’m just saying,” he said.
Hearing that the school district might be hit, Bart Simpson suggested that his teacher Edna Krabappel should be sacked. “If I’m a typical result of the school system, then teachers are clearly overpaid.”
“A 45% pay cut is a disaster!” said Springfield Mayor Joe Quimby. “We can’t provide the same level of shoddy services if tax revenues fall. Besides, I’m only halfway through remodeling my office.”
But not all of Springfield is up in arms. Many merchants see upside in the downturn. Apu, owner of the Kwik-E-Mart intends to increase his orders for Duff beer in anticipation of unemployed workers drinking more. Pub owner Moe Szyslak made a similar observation when announcing that he would be open earlier on Sundays.
The impact is so widespread Troy McClure, the actor you know from the 1977 hit film “Muppets Go Medieval,” announced that the sequel to “Calling All Lumberjacks" will be delayed indefinitely. Crusty the Clown was forced to fire Sideshow Bob.“This time for good,” he said.
Frustrated with facing a jobless future and paying off the debts incurred by reckless baby boomers, Lisa Simpson is currently occupying Wall Street and could not be reached for comment.
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