Prediction: 2011 will be the Dumbest Year Ever

I'm so tired of all the smug predictions from pundits, cultural gatekeepers, and  people who are smarter than I am. I offer my predictions for 2011 in the sincere hope that none of them really happen.

Show Biz,  Culture, and lack thereof:

Transformer Optimus Prime will have a trashy love affair with a garbage truck.

In addition to "friend" status, Facebook will add "acquaintance" and "who the F#%!#K is this person?"

Wikileaks will reveal Victoria’s secret.  

Sting, Cher, Prince, Madonna, and Beyonce will change their last names.

Lil' Wayne will start a Texas rock band called Wheezy Top.

Lady Gaga will join the Goo Goo Dolls on the Goo Goo Gaga Tour.

Yoko will join with U2 for an album called “Plastic Ono Bono.” They’ll record in mono.

The “Cowboys and Aliens” movie will trigger an insufferable number of imitations including: “Clowns and Ninjas,” “Low Riders and Pirates,” and “Republicans and Immigrants.”

Politics:

To reduce the US deficit and increase his popularity, Obama will sell Louisiana back to the French.

After announcing her candidacy for president, Sarah Palin will vow to repeal all laws of physics that slow down the economy.

Business:

The US Post Office will eliminate Saturday delivery and no one will notice.

Bing & Yahoo will merge and relaunch as Boo-Hoo.

Facebook will merge with Wikileaks in an attempt to improve its privacy policies.

We'll learn that Google is really the CIA.

As a proactive measure, Toyota will just recall everything.

Whether any of this happens or not, it’s a mathematical certainty that 2011 will be an odd year. All the best!