History Repeats, Again!

History Repeats, Again!
History Repeats, Again!

Friday, October 21, 2011

People with clean desks will love Google+

The world’s population just passed the 7 billion mark and nearly 10% of them are on Facebook.

This means that if Facebook were a country, it would be big enough to start World War III.  I know, because someone who seems likely to invade Poland just friended me. 

My personal Facebook page is completely out of control, mostly because I’m too easy.  But after experiencing rejection firsthand, I hate to shun anyone unless they’re from the publishing industry. Besides, you never know when some complete stranger will turn out to be interesting, or bring the FBI to your front door.

Given the cacophony of Facebook, Google+ has some initial appeal.   G+ has a very sleek dashboard, there are no Mafia Wars, and with less than 1% of the planet onboard, it’s not crowded.

G+ might even be stable, though one of the more entertaining aspects of Facebook is the way people freak out every time it changes. Facebook is Mark Zuckerberg’s revenge on those of us with IQ’s less than 180. As soon as people figure out the current version, he rearranges everything and laughs while we squirm and call him Satan.

Megabucks Mark keeps changing the rules so nobody ever understands what’s happening.  Privacy? Forget it. I suspect that someday we’ll learn Mark was a CIA agent.

G+ attacks the endearing chaos of Facebook by allowing you to set up nice, controled circles of people who can only see you. You are the hub, they are the spokes. You broadcast, they respond. That's all G+ does. This is fine for control freaks, but as media goes, it’s not exactly “social.”

People with clean desks will love Google+.

Facebook takes the messy desk approach--it's an ever expanding mess, nearly impossible to organize. Every time you post something, all of your friends can weigh in and insult each other.

So, good luck trying to have serious interactions on Facebook.  You can announce your own funeral and one of your so-called friends will derail the conversation with a rant about the ozone layer or a cute video of a cat riding a pony.

Facebook does offer organization features, but just because my desk offers drawers doesn’t mean they aren’t overflowing with gum wrappers and paper clips. Not that any of my "friends" resemble paper clips, but some are pretty twisted. In theory, I could group them all into my Facebook paper clip drawer and quarantine them from harassing my more sedate acquaintances, but what fun would that be?

Facebook reminds me of a party I once hosted for people who knew me but didn’t know each other.  They had nothing in common except me, which wasn’t enough to keep them from offending each other.

The party was a disaster until we started drinking, and then a fight broke out. The two combatants eventually left to start revolutions in their respective countries which is something else that will never happen with Google+.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Save Maggie! Recession hits The Simpsons

The cartoon town of Springfield is not immune from the global recession as the Fox Television network demands 45% pay cuts from the cast of The Simpsons.

Will the cuts extend to Montgomery Burns or is austerity only for Homer Simpson?

Waylon Smithers, a spokesman for the owner of Springfield’s nuclear power plant issued the following statement: “Mr. Burns rejects any notion that he should take a pay cut or roll back his planned 45% increase in the cost of electricity. If pressed to trim his already modest lifestyle, he will be forced to release the hounds.”

“I guess we all need to do some belt tightening,” said Marge Simpson, as she exited the bowling alley, “but I don’t wear a belt.”

The man who wears the pants in the family might benefit from some belt tightening but when asked if he would forgo beer and donuts, Homer Simpson just said “D’oh!”

Homer’s neighbor Ned Flanders was more sanguine about the financial crisis, even going so far as to hint that the global downturn was a sign from The Almighty that Springfield’s educators should stop teaching evolution in schools. “I’m just saying,” he said.

Hearing that the school district might be hit, Bart Simpson suggested that his teacher Edna Krabappel should be sacked. “If I’m a typical result of the school system, then teachers are clearly overpaid.”

“A 45% pay cut is a disaster!” said Springfield Mayor Joe Quimby. “We can’t provide the same level of shoddy services if tax revenues fall. Besides, I’m only halfway through remodeling my office.”

But not all of Springfield is up in arms. Many merchants see upside in the downturn. Apu, owner of the Kwik-E-Mart intends to increase his orders for Duff beer in anticipation of unemployed workers drinking more.  Pub owner Moe Szyslak made a similar observation when announcing that he would be open earlier on Sundays.

The impact is so widespread Troy McClure, the actor you know from the 1977 hit film “Muppets Go Medieval,” announced that the sequel to “Calling All Lumberjacks" will be delayed indefinitely. Crusty the Clown was forced to fire Sideshow Bob.“This time for good,” he said.

Frustrated with facing a jobless future and paying off the debts incurred by reckless baby boomers, Lisa Simpson is currently occupying Wall Street and could not be reached for comment.

      Will Homer Simpson Get the Axe?