Electile Dysfunction Disorder

No sooner had the US elections ended than the backlash started.

Right after two states legalized marijuana the company that made Twinkies, Ding Dongs and Hoho’s went out of business. In spite of a swelling wave of new customers with munchies, 18,000 people who made the snack food beloved to pot smokers everywhere lost their jobs. 

Too many Twinkies might explain why tens of thousands of citizens across the country filed petitions to have their states secede from The Union immediately after Obama's reelection.

Ding Dong Mitt Romney lobbed some Hohos of his own by announcing that he lost the presidency because Obama gave financial gifts to women and minorities. Mittens was stunned that the financial gifts he had promised to the super rich somehow failed to sway the popular vote.

Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan blamed “urban voters” for his defeat even though a majority of voters in his rural hometown voted against him. Fact checkers got busy looking into what percentage of the nation is now urban.

Those poor fact checkers! How empty their lives must feel now that the country has recovered from Electile Dysfunction Disorder.

The son of mega-evangelist Billy Graham announced that Romney lost because Christians failed to vote.   While it’s true that Obama carried the Jewish vote, it was surprising to learn that the Electoral College is full of pagans.

Confirming that the End of Days is upon us, the Israelis and Palestinians began fighting, Europe slipped back into recession, and the CIA Director was brought down by a sex scandal that spread like a virus.

It seems the nation’s top spy didn’t realize that e-mail exchanges could be hacked by shirtless FBI agents.

After seeing his party lose decisively by insulting women and minorities, Obama’s former foe, John McCain thought it might be a good idea to loudly impugn the reputation, achievements and intelligence of a prominent black woman. He missed a confidential hearing on the Benghazi attacks to attack UN Ambassador Susan Rice for being misinformed about the Benghazi attacks.

Clearly, McCain has put the 2008 election behind him and, like the rest of the nation, is now ready to move forward.

 

The decline and fall is sure taking a long time! It all started in "No Roads Lead to Rome!"