Queen Elizabeth Dissolves British Monarchy

London (TOROPRESS)

Shaken by recent events in Tunisia and Egypt and fearful of similar uprisings in London, HRH Queen Elizabeth of England has dissolved the British Monarchy. Confidants suggest she was worried over the possibility of noisy protests and tent villages in Hyde Park.

Observers agreed that the move was both bold and proactive given that the British have not rebelled against their monarchy since the 1600s. Recent opposition was mainly limited to a few aging punk bands, and the crown was unlikely to be put to a popular vote.

A now unemployed spokesman at Buckingham Palace justified the change by saying, “Traditions don’t have to last forever, in fact they are more memorable when relegated to the past.”

  

Members of the Royal Family were caught off-guard by the surprise announcement. “She’s the Queen, I just consort,” said her husband, the Duke of Edinburgh.

“Frankly, it was all getting a bit too silly,” said Prince Charles. He announced that he will abdicate all claims to the throne and force his sons to get real jobs. “There’s really no further point to all this, is there?”

The former Queen, who now wants to be called “Lizzy,” also cited a desire to spend more time getting to know her family. “It is my deepest hope that within a few generations my offspring will be normal people,” she said via Twitter.

When asked if she intended to return royal lands and holdings to the nation, the Queen answered that she would only hang onto “a few castles and forests.”

In her final meeting with the Prime Minister, “Lizzy” expressed some anxiety over becoming a private citizen. “Being Queen meant never wearing the same hat twice,” she said. “I have enough hats to fill the Royal Albert Hall. What shall I to do with all these hats?”